I recall hearing that Joan Armatrading song with the same title for the first time back when migrating out to Australia in the late 80’s, and I have to say, I did not get it. Honestly, I was much more into Tracey Chapman tracks at the time, but what stood out to me then, in me not getting it, came to me later, much later.
Really, nothing matters more than the relationship with yourself. And, once you get this, you will truly appreciate time with yourself for the first time. And then some more…
I love an early morning by the beach. Be it catching the sunrise or just the quiet time as the world awakes and when the light comes into itself. It is kind of magic, but the magic lies in me being present with the world around me, and being right there in that moment and most importantly being present with me.
In my line of work, I am often surrounded by people as I am out in the public domain connecting and communicating with lots of people. To balance this out, I need to have quiet time; time without people – some much needed solitude.
Being alone does not mean being lonely.
For me, spending time with myself, perhaps like you would with a good friend, is crucial and yet it took me years to figure this out. It is counter-intuitive, especially when you are in a relationship or have a family. I had spent years running after everyone, supporting, encouraging, nurturing and being there for my family and thinking I was being generous when I gave beyond my own capacity.
It was not until later – much later – that I realised that giving myself the same attention, care and presence was actually filling my cup and it gave me more capacity to be there for everyone else. A hard concept to get, really. Back then, I had an eight-year-old daughter, a new-born baby girl, a wife and we lived right by the beach. I did pretty much all the worldly things and supported my wife with the baby, plus being a blended family I was essentially responsible for my older daughter.
At times the buckets I was trying to fill seemed bottomless. I was nearing burnout and between running a business from home and attempting to be the best dad and husband I could, I felt my energy draining and with it my patience, my appreciation and eventually my willingness.
I didn’t fully integrate until much later what I started to learn back then, the importance of me-time. Time to me, myself, and I. Just as the famous song so wisely had proclaimed…
Now, my daughters are nearly 20 and 29 and I am finally making ‘me time’ a priority. These days it allows me to support my elderly parents as well as meet the demands of my business, the world and every day…
Recently, after completing a 7 week project I took two weeks out, aided by recurring lockdowns, I found myself a great spot to start my days. Nestled in the dunes of a local dog beach I would spend time just being the witness to the day starting, reflecting on things, letting thoughts rise and fall away like the waves and simply be present. I would spend hours watching dogs and their owners cruise by with sticks, bouncy balls and throw handles; titling short-legged ones, excited puppies, slow moving old dogs, a three-legged one plus the odd surfer or three…
I’d sit on my towel, read, write, gaze at the clouds and soak up the ascending sun before she got too hot. After a refreshing dip in the water, I would journal, meditate and sip my tea brewed earlier in my van. And, you know what, by the time I headed back and made breakfast, many people were just arriving, while I had already given this special time to myself.
What it did for me is it gave me a foundation of enrichment, appreciation for the world around me, filled me with gratitude, fuelled me up, made me feel relaxed and not needy of anyone. Yes, relaxed and content. This is so priceless, yet considering how simple it is to do, I have spent years denying myself this sort of time because I thought it was selfish, or detracted from my loved ones…
One day, many years ago, the penny dropped and I finally got it. With the help of my life coach, I realised that I was actually giving to my loved ones by giving time, scope and space to me. The more I filled my cup, the more I could give to my children and family, my work, the world…
When I look back, I think – what took me so long!
So, here is my desire for you – for you to spend some time, more time just with yourself, so you can be your best YOU and give more to the world too…
Needless to say, if you need help with establishing more of your me-time, I am here to help you.
