I used to write them every year. I even wrote them out beautifully, slipping them into envelopes and sealing them to be re-opened the following New Year.
And, while I did think of them, reiterated them in my mind or even read the affirmations stuck to my mirror every day – well, for the first few weeks at least… did my New Year Resolutions work?
Hmmm… seeing that I wrote them year after year and featuring pretty much of the same… probably not.
Does this sound familiar to you?
Making statements such as: I will do this more, I will stop that, earn more, follow my dreams, turn my passion into income, spend more time with my kids,myself or be a better friend, partner, father, mother etc… perhaps to call mum and dad more often.
For some people, New Year Resolutions work – so I have been told. If that is you, then good on you, and good for you. But for me, and for many people I have spoken with or who had sessions with me, they didn’t.
Why?
So, here is the thing. It has not so much to do with the resolutions you write, or the goals you aim for. Sure they have to have something going for them, you have to be inspired or be hungry for you to move toward them, but it comes largely down to one key ingredient – action.
If your resolutions are like 70% of new year’s gym memberships, then by February or March you would have stopped going, stopped reading the affirmations and discontinued that thing you were gonna do more of, or less of…
Why is that?
I think, if we break it down, it comes to self-value and self-respect. This, of course, sits under that self-care or self-love umbrella.
For example, if you say to your partner that you will take the garbage out and then don’t do it, well fine, she/he will perhaps forgive you (a few times) or nag you a few times more and eventually disregard any such promise in the future.
When we let ourselves down, without much nagging or internal fights or reminders, often completely unnoticed by our conscious mind, our subconscious mind will simply accept that despite the heralding promises and the affirmations read daily, we have already accepted that it probably won’t happen. It has not happened yet and probably won’t…
So, forget making grand New Year Resolutions and do this instead.
Trust me, it is simple, if you want to make a change but you must REALLY want to make that change…
Pick one thing, and do it. Do it regularly, daily and without any excuse or reason not to. Promise yourself, and truly your innermost honest self that you will do it, even set a consequence for when you do or when you don’t do it. But stick to it. Maybe make it achievable, keep it reasonable enough but real.
Let’s say, for instance, you decide your resolution is to make your bed every day. It might sound simple or easy, maybe not even that important, really, but trust me it is in more ways than one. Ok, so you say you will make your own bed daily for nine weeks. Yes, nine weeks. That is barely over two months, long enough to not just squeeze it in or fluke it and short enough to make it achievable.
So, there you are, with your goal, but rather than write it – you do it. After all, it is only nine Mondays. That’s nothing right. And, nine Tuesdays… And, nine weekends…
If you can internalise it as a completely non-negotiable practice you undertake daily. A new habit that belongs to your day like brushing your teeth, getting dressed or going to the toilet, eating or sleeping. Treat it as something without which you are not allowed to eat, or watch tv or play Xbox or go to dinner or whatever it is you love doing. And, just do it every day.
Don’t worry about losing weight, making more money, stop smoking, fixing your relationships or getting a promotion – all at the same time and in the first few weeks and months of the new year…
You are sure to get overwhelmed and start dropping one or the other and then feel bad and that then will start undermining the next resolution and then you feel bad and sabotage yourself and the next thing gets dropped…
Then you feel even worse and the downward spiral is starting to really roll into full swing…
Imagine it like this. You want to spring clean your house and wherever you look there are areas that need to be sorted and cleaned, items that need places for them to reside in or areas that need to be decluttered. So, before you even start, you are in disbelief and are completely overwhelmed. Not a good start or foundation for success, right.
So, pick one corner or just your desk. Sort the things on it, in it, clean it and promise yourself to do that on a specific day, not ‘one day’ or ‘sometime soon’. Make an appointment with yourself and do it.
Then, promise yourself to keep it clean. Don’t dump things on it or leave things sitting on it. Give yourself triggers, incentives or whatever you need to help yourself to keep it clean. Do that and keep it clean and organised for one week, then two weeks…
And, before you know it, you feel like you can actually do it. Next, expand the new routine in practice to the space around your desk, your drawers or the shelves. Once you feel like they are coming along, and you are keeping them well, expand to the next area, location or tasks…
Then reward yourself massively – unless of course you didn’t keep your promise. Give to yourself, celebrate it and then tackle the next small area, spot or location and tasks. Bit by bit you will expand and eventually take in the whole house, but your stage goals, as you achieve them, will fuel your next…
Applying this same sentiment to your life changes, to your improved diet or new habit or routine you wish to implement, be it fitness, selfcare, relationship, work, business or career. And, you might be surprised to see that gradually and one by one you can bring about positive change in your life.
Over to you and all the best with it. Feel free to share your thoughts and/or experience in the comments.
